"'Er', He said. He waved his thin hands vaguely. 'The world, you see, that is, the reality in which we live, in fact, it can be thought of as, in a manner of speaking, a rubber sheet.' He hesitated, aware that the sentence was not going to appear in anyone's book of quotable quotes"
-From "Sourcery", by Terry Pratchett

"Are you going to torture me, or just bore me to death?"

"Lawyers. Don't you people sleep during the day?"

"You know, ask yourself this: If I'd killed Merl, would I have brought donuts?"

"You go out that door, you'll be running for the rest of your life. My bet is, it'd be a pretty short run."

"I think I'm gonna have to go with my patented Sudden Burst of Violence."

"Good news, Wes, old boy! You don't have an inferiority complex. You're just simply inferior."

Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is, to be a slave.
-Roy Batty (Blade Runner)

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain... Time to die"
-Roy Batty (Blade Runner)

"Bond... James Bond"
-James Bond

"In the game of chess you can never let your adversary see your pieces."
-Zapp Branigan (Futurama)

"If we can hit the bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards... Checkmate. Now like all great plans my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it. On my command, all ships will line up and file directly into the alien death cannons, clogging them with wreckage."
-Zapp Branigan (Futurama)

"You know, I always say that a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine."
-Buffy (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test"
-George "Dubya" W. Bush

"Do you have blacks, too?"
-George "Dubya" W. Bush, to the president of Brazil.

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three nonfatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."
-George "Dubya" W. Bush

"First, we would not accept any treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country."
-George "Dubya" W. Bush, on the Kyoto treaty

"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."
-George "Dubya" W. Bush
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."
-George "Dubya" W. Bush
Remeber this, Bushy boy?  Anyone not wearing factor 5000 had a really bad day!!

"That's it! We're deader than corduroy!"
-The Cat (Red Dwarf)

"Here!" Said the Master. "Build me a great tomb in this place." His apprentices did. It glittered in the sun. "Now go inside," said he. They entered. An earthquake then destroyed the tomb, burying those within. The Master smiled. "Even the faithful are not always chosen." "This is called sacrifice."
-The Book of Cataclysm (Syndicate Wars)

"Remember, the Meek shall inherit nothing."
-The Book of Cataclysm (Syndicate Wars)

"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put."
-Winston Churchill

"You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice... the world would be Atheist [snaps fingers] like THAT!"
-Cordelia (Angel)

"Let me tell you, if Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, it should be called 'Pretty Skanky Woman.'"
-Cordelia (Angel)

"Wait! Angel, you can't barge into a police precinct and go all Terminator."
-Cordelia (Angel)

"This is Angel: 'Oh, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday.'"
-Cordelia (Angel)

"I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I'd look up at your lifeless eyes and wave like this. [Waves cheerily] Can you and your associates arrange it for me, Mr. Morden?"
Vir Cotto (Babylon 5:"In the Shadow of Z'ha'dum")

-Death (Reaper Man, by Terry Pratchett)

"I think Mulder is the worst FBI agent in the world. He spends millions of dollars investigating these paranormal phenomena and never comes up with any evidence. He's the Kenneth Starr of the FBI."
-David Duchovny

There are 1011 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers.
-Richard Feynman

An adult bear can charge at 35 mph: technically illegal in a built-up area.
-Nick Frost

"Among the wise I am the only one that goes in for hobbit-lore: an obscure branch of knowledge, but full of surprises."

"Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends"

"I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house."
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

"I told one lie. I had one drink."
"Yes, and you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon snake. The words, "let that be a lesson" are a tad redundant at this juncture."
-Buffy and Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the 12th century, and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show."
-Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons."
-Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"I've been indexing the Watcher diaries covering the last couple of centuries. You'd be amazed how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these Watchers were."
-Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"I was ready. I had prepared myself. I had made my peace with the universe, put all my affairs in order. I had the dagger in my hand! And he has the indecency to start dying on his own. Never in my life have I seen a worse case of timing."
- G'Kar (Babylon 5:"The Coming of Shadows")

"No, Mister Bond, I expect you to die!"

"'I said, that one went down like a lead ballon', said the Serpent"
- from Good Omens, by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

"And just one more thing. On your trip back I'd like you to take the time to learn the Babylon 5 mantra: 'Ivanova is always right. I will listen to Ivanova. I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God. And if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out.' Babylon Control out. .. Civilians! [Looks up] I was just kidding about the God part -- no offense."
-Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5:"A Voice in the Wilderness #1")

"I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
-Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5:"Points of Departure")

"We're not just some .. deep space franchise. This station is *about* something."
-Susan Ivanova (Babylon 5:"There All the Honor Lies")

"Do you see this? [Holds up his police badge] NYPD! Means I will kNock! Your! Punk-ass! Down!"
-Jay (Men In Black)

"This has got to be a 9.0 on my weird-shit-o-meter."
-Jay (Men In Black)

"The FBI do not have any sense of humour we're aware of"
-Kay (Men in Black)

"Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed---kinda the downside of being here. That and the so-called musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber."
-Lorne (Angel)

"Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"
-Obi-Wan Kenobi, to his apprentice

"Only Imperial Stormtroopers are this accurate"
-Obi-Wan Kenobi

"Understanding is a three-edged sword."
-Kosh (Babylon 5:"Deathwalker")

"You are not ready for immortality."
-Kosh (Babylon 5:"Deathwalker")

"The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote."
-Kosh (Babylon 5:"Believers")

"The truth points to itself."
-Kosh (Babylon 5:"In the Beginning")

"Engineering, this is General Lefcourt. In case you didn't notice, the enemy just pulled our shorts up over our head and tied them into a knot. You will get the ship under control ASAP, or I will come down there and skin the hide off every last one of you."
-General Lefcourt (Babylon 5:"Endgame")

"Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN."

Law #2: If a bad guy can alter the operating system on your computer, its not your computer anymore.

"Mulder, toads just fell out of the sky!"
"Guess the parachutes didn't open."
-Scully and Mulder (The X Files)

"I suppose there'll be a war now, hmm? All that running around and shooting at one another. You would've thought sooner or later it would go out of fashion."

-Londo Mollari (Babylon 5:"The Gathering")

"Love? Pah. Overrated. Here, look, these are my three wives: Pestilence, Famine and Death. Do you think I married them for their personalities? Their personalities could shatter entire planets! Arranged marriages, every one, but they worked out. They inspired me. Knowing that they were waiting at home for me is what keeps me here -- 75 lights years away."
-Londo Mollari (Babylon 5:"The War Prayer")

"How fast does the poison work?"
"Very quickly, he said almost instantaneously."
"'Almost'? How fast is almost? Time enough for him to stagger back into the main room and cry out: 'Londo killed me'? Or maybe just enough time for him to say: 'Londo kill..aargh'?"
"And then he won't even get that out, I mean, maybe he just go: 'Lon.. arrgh'. Or maybe he's totally delirious and then say everything backwards and say: 'Kill Londo! Arrgh'. .. I was just making a play on.."
"Well, it's time." - Londo and Vir (Babylon 5:"The Long Night")

"You always were a cunning linguist, James"
-Miss Moneypenny

"You keep using that word -- I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inego Montoya (The Princess Bride)

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"
-Inego Montoya (The Princess Bride)

"I, um, I'm shot, you know. Wow! It's odd. And painful."
-Oz (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Enter the bureaucrats - the true rulers of the Republic"
-Senator Palpatine

"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."

"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings"
-Optimus Prime

"There had been some desultory talk about putting up a statue to Rincewind but, by the curious alchemy that tends to apply in these sensitive issues, this quickly became a plaque, then a note on the Roll of Honour, and finally a motion of censure for being improperly dressed."
-From "Eric", by Terry Pratchett

"The question seldom addressed is where Medusa had snakes. Underarm hair is an even more embarassing problem when it keeps biting the top of the deodorant bottle."
-From Soul Music, by Terry Pratchett

"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!"
-Ace Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

"What about the Rimmer Directive? It states quite clearly, 'Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family.'"
-Arnold Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

"Erm, I think we're all beginning to lose sight of the real issue here, which is: what are we going to call ourselves? And I think it comes down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or -- and this is my personal preference -- "The Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into Society." Erm, one drawback with that -- the abbreviation is C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S."
-Arnold Rimmer (Red Dwarf)

"I apologize. I'm .. sorry. I'm sorry we had to defend ourselves against an unwarranted attack. I'm sorry that your crew was stupid enough to fire on a station filled with a quarter million civilians, including your own people. And I'm sorry I waited as long as I did before I blew them all straight to hell. .. As with everything else, it's the thought that counts."
-John Sheridan (Babylon 5:"The Fall of Night")

"Good morning, gentlemen. This is your wakeup call."
-John Sheridan (Babylon 5:"Into the Fire")

"Smoking kills. And if you're killed, you lose a very important part of your life"
-Brooke Shields

"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, then sold off piece by piece."
-Lisa Simpson

"How am I supposed to hallucinate with all these swirling colors distracting me?"
-Lisa Simpson

"Prayer is the last refuge of the scoundrel."
-Lisa Simpson

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."
-Han Solo

Meanwhile, Tony Blair is trying to blame "rogue spies" in the UK intelligence service for the accusation that he manipulated their findings. I guess anyone who admits this would be a "rogue" from Blair's point of view.
-Richard Stallman

"It is in your nature to destroy yourselves"
-The Terminator, on humans (Terminator 2)

"Hasta la vista, baby"
-The Terminator (Terminator 2)

"As God once said, and I think rightly..."
-Margaret Thatcher

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork".
-Mae West

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
-Mae West

"Do not be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force."
-Darth Vader

"One smaller motivation which, in part, stems from altruism is Microsoft-bashing."
-Vinod Valloppillil (Microsoft)

"This is Lord Mountjoy Quickfang Winterforth IV, the hottest dragon in the city. It could burn your head clean off."
-Captain Vimes ("Guards! Guards!", by Terry Pratchett)

"I an a graduate of Starfleet Academy. I know many things."

"Maybe Buffy unplugged the phone."
"No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen- year-old girl to unplug her phone."
-Giles and Xander (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

"Lost a planet master Obi-Wan has. How embarrasing for him"

"Around the survivors a perimeter create!"

"No, that was not Zathras, that was Zathras. There are 10 of us, all of family Zathras, each one named Zathras. Slight differences in how you pronounce. Zathraas, Za-thras, Zathrass.. You are seeing now?"
-Zathras (Babylon 5:"Conflicts of Interest")

"Mortals!! - you defy the Gods?!? I sentence you to travel among unknown stars. Until you find the Kingdom of Hades, your bodies will stay as lifeless as stone."
-Zeus (From the theme tune of Ulysses 31)