Dumb Ads

Over the last few months I have noticed a curious trend in the "targeted" advertisements on Google. Some people (mostly eBay) are advertising things which they could not or should not be selling. Case in point:

I particularly like the fact that impossible things may be bought at a discount. The link didn't actually lead to any working perpetual motion machines for sale. If perpetual motion machines are not available for sale, perhaps I should seek alternative forms of power generation.

I thought Dilithium crystals didn't exist outside of Star Trek... In any case, despite following the link, I could neither find nor buy dilithium crystals on eBay.

A search for "slaves" picks up this little gem:

This seems promising. Unlike dilithium crystals, slaves actually exist. And I get to save, too. It's good to see that I won't be buying overpriced slaves, here. But upon following the link, it turned out that I wasn't going to be buying any slaves at all. It looks like the slave trade has gone the way of the dodo. Hmm, that gives me an idea...

I'm not sure I fully understand this one. Dodos and postcards don't really have much in common. But I think I know what the problem is - dodos aren't available as pets. Due to their very low population, the only responsible thing to do with a dodo if you have one is to breed it. Naturally, you can't breed a single dodo. I should therefore be searching for the plural of dodo!

Now that's more like it. Alas, upon following the link, I could neither find nor buy dodos on eBay.

"Fantastic low prices", eh? Well that's good to know. I'm so glad we're not still in that uncivilised, pre-eBay age where semen was reasonably-priced or (shudder) expensive. Also- "Love it."... I think they'd be better off just sticking to "buy it" and "sell it".

Do I really have to find/buy this stuff? My own body generates more faeces than I need. So much more that I flush it all down the toilet. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, following the link leads to this:

...So eBay claims to have human faeces on offer, but, upon closer examination, this claim turns out to be a load of crap.

Huge selection? I thought there were only 9 12 8. Although I suppose even one planet is pretty huge.

I found the weapons of mass destruction. But can they be deployed in 45 minutes?

I always wanted my own army of zombies. Not sure if I want to "feed my passion" with one though. Ew.

Mark's final thought

I thought the idea behind these ads was that they would be targeted. "Carpet-bombed" looks like a better description for what's going on here. In some cases, the link simply leads to a search page which doesn't find anything. Isn't that false advertising? If they don't have something for sale, they shouldn't be putting up ads saying they do.